Somethings mixed up here. Please let me know what you think. Hi Clara, I didn't necessarily LOVE them (or love them more) once they were gone, but I learned to appreciate more what I had with them. Taylor and Francis. If youre looking for a counselor that practices a specific type of therapy, or who deals with specific concerns, you can make an advanced search by clicking here: https://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html. My husband handed her the keys & walked away. I have been significantly more vocal with him about my concerns over the last 2 years and I am making little progress. Who's your supplier? It was very humiliating and to see the look if horror on my daughters face was hard. Follow the steps above and little by little she may stop being numb. If the bad stuff was present and the good stuff was missing, then what I recommend you do is sit down with your husband and discuss it. When I said this is what therapy is for an objective outsider, I will add that a therapist is a competent objective outsider. I just hope that I havent done so much damage already that it is has become irreversible! I could feel your sadness and dismay when I read it. It could be that they're already married, or that their parents hate us a la Romeo and Juliet, or it could be because they simply don't feel the same way about us. He was sexted other woman for 7 to 9 months. Also,why wont he give us a chance and at least try. He stated he did it for emotional comfort. Weve bee fighting quite a bit and he broke up with me once. Financial restrains were blamed. Mind you he still lives in his car, he knows absolutely no one, and has no family close by. Advice: Dont worry so much about what he says to you. I now have divorced my husband and am learning to love myself and focus on my children. Ignoring me treating me like I wasnt wanted and that I was in the way of his family. My girlfriend and I have been together cumulatively for 5 years now. She broke up with me because she is deeply hurt and betrayed . Expected behaviors dont happen and new, lovely ones are in their place: consideration, gentleness, sensitivity, generosity of time and effort. She called the law on me and the law said she cant do anything about it. Now we are at a crossroads where Ive hurt him so much that he cant let go and cant forgive me, even though all these events happened at least 2years ago. seriously. She said I played her and ask that. He says he dont know if the love could come back. And I mean extremely. She said they broke up which i wasnt too sure. I have struggled to have an emotional connection with him for a long time, possibly years. He has been wonderful and pays for everything he showers me with gifts, I see a sincere change in him but I cant drop my guard. And that I have since then falling in love with her over and over. I have been doing alot of soul searching. these are all things i had told him i would not ever be ok with again, i took too much before and i told myself i would never tolerate this again. Im not trying to make an excuse for his actions but I know that may have played a role in all of this. It was difficult at the time but we decided to stay together and try everything we could to fix our relationship. This is affection, as well as understanding, care, and empathy, etc. shes a beautiful person inside and out and I love her so much. Those years , I always tend to choose others then him becos I cant be a step-mom ( I told myself ) and seeing after and another.All fails and i still turn back to him for comfort. I have been with a man twice my age for four years now he has broken and shook my trust in every way possible. Please get therapy to give yourself the tools you need to get out of your bad place. You may have had children together. Is it any way that my husband might have a change of heart and can fall in love with me again.Or are we totally done and hes all in to this co worker lady now. No need for me to jump back in so quickly. Thank you so much for hearing and understanding me! i was exhausted by the fact that nothing seemed to change no matter how much i tried and i had so much on my plate, i was emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted. I did but couldnt do it completely. Now all his money just goes there and he gives me a little bit from each check. i have been in a relationship since 2years . Shes started to talk to me a bit but is obviously not interested in talking about getting back together. Im miserable here, feel so sad daily. I kept saying I would but I just couldnt it didnt feel right it was like I needed him to prove he loved me and wouldnt leave but at the time I didnt realize that and even if I did I wouldnt be able to tell him that. The actions I had taken that shook his confidence in me were very sudden, shocking, and Im sure crushed him on a deeper level than I probably realize. I dont think things will ever get better, but at the same time im afraid of him leaving. Im still stuck back at the moment you walked into his LR and he did not hug and kiss you and say to the other girl, Here is my girlfriend, Carmen. And why was she his wallpaper if she just came to visit his mother? Her father found out what I had done and told me He would not tell her but I needed too so I agreed that I would. We ended up back together because I felt the relationship had potential besides what had happened during our break up. It's quite natural to have mixed feelings and hate them one second and then lovingly miss them the next. The only things I can offer are apologize, asking for forgiveness, and asking for a chance to show the best of me instead of my worst. We have not been arguing. He could not understand that respect is given but trust is earned. Talk to friends. https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. Maybe you want to talk and not talk at the same time. My stupid comment on top of everything else I did ruined everything. The argument led her to the point that she threatned to call police if I ever come to get family house again i:e baby father or contact her or any mem5 of her family or friends. I was lonely. I love him deeply and genuinely and I know I am partly at fault for him feeling this way (like his needs dont matter, like he never did enough, like I cant accomplish the tasks he sees as so important, etc), but I dont know how to try and start the process of fixing it. Her face changed when I started talking about the gut being the same one at the home depot, how she said the guy is not serious about her but her actions speak louder than words. I must listen, instead of talk. That is why I reach out to her when she is needy. This accomplishes two things: 1. Now my trust in him never recuperated so I checked his phone and found sext msgs to and from a coworker. Hi, i have a girlfriend that ive hurt for a year and a half. But now i have to suffer. Yes, people do get angry to hide their fears. I know I miss our family and though I didnt show it I loved her deeply and wanted to change, I just didnt know how. I told him that Im not asking for him to forgive me but to think about the good qualities I have and put a little hope in that part of me. He had been texting and flirting with other women via social media. I keep telling her that it takes time and maybe the feelings of support will lead to more feelings, at least I hope so. I am utterly devastated. I alone didnt help him try to stop his drinking it was with the help from a doctor which was a bit of a wake up call for him. At about 4 months in, I ran into my ex and she asked me questions I could not answer like what does this new girl do that I didnt and do you love her to make a long story short, I told her that I didnt love her anymore, and never really did, and she FREAKED OUT! I dont want this to happen. Remind him that he OWES you something, but when you talk with him, be CHEERFUL, not sad. Allow this step the time it needs to unfold. I have a bit of a quirky personality where my heart and intentions mean well but sometimes maybe I come off as hard to read. Well, I am puzzled. And, I have a son and he was 5 when my ex & I started dating. The hardest thing I ever did. And like you are doing he is now begging me to take him back. It just goes to show she never really cared like she said she did. So I moved on and started dating and net someone really amazing, very ambitious, sweet, smart And about a month in a half later. Although there is too much detail to write with respect to how I finally found out but in April 2015 I found more proof than I wanted that he had been unfaithful. I fear that if this anxiety continues, I will never have the chance to try to rebuild my marriage because at this point, all I feel is fear. One more thing: You have both spilled your guts about the negative. I know he loves me and we fight a lot. How do I overcome it and trust fully? He is nearly 13 years older than me. That love is made of respect, admiration, trust, and enjoyment of who that other person is. Furthermore, you have not gotten to the root of her behavior or your own. but few days ago we broke up. My boyfriend doesnt have any kids, not one. Otherwise he will see you playing games. A couple of weeks ago we had a falling out and it came out that he is feeling emotionally detached from me. Any advice? It seems to me you are covered. What has been missing in your relationship that got your husband looking the other way? I think the logic simply works differently. My need of understanding the whys of his emotional affair with our mutual friend threaten to destroy any hope of reconciliation. I would give anything to go back to earlier this year and try again with his honesty. All these need to heal. That sent her over the edge. My husband turned to drinking and abused me physically, verbally, and emotionally. He says he forgives me and has moved on. In my state of distrust for men I put up many walls, and my friend has broke them down one by one with his patience and willingness to just listen and not become defensive. She told me to delete every thing i have of hers and not to write to her any more. Im also in the same exact boat. And he says he still loves me and is attracted to me. Even after all the things he has said. Love you not in love with you,it is the most common thing going round in marriage today. I yelled at him. If thats the case then why does he bring up the old things that I have done to make our relationship bad. I love him and miss him dearly but to be used and manipulated forced me to do this. Few days ago,I decided to tell him that I did not want sex b4 marriage and that he should be patient with me. On the one hand you call yourself a simple person and on the other your parents were about to throw you out of the house. So I know shes laughing at me like yea trick I got your husband,he chose me and dumped you. We live together so see each other everyday and still get on fine for the 5 mins a day we forget about what has happened. Ever since we had that fall out hes like a changed man. Your boyfriend didnt cause you to not get into the grad program of get the job. Im tired of crying and not eating and being sick to my stomach. We have two young daughters and so the thought of divorce also causes me great anxiety. When she tells me to leave her alone, does that mean she hates me and going to leave? I had a 5 years of marriage. This will take time (1-2 years) but very well worth it. We talked about what we would do if I was and he kept pushing me to consider abortion, but although I support a womans right to her own body I couldnt fathom the idea at first. I hope you would recollect my situation about my ex using ($$) me to her advantage and i have told you how she talked to me irresponsibly?. I deserve so much more than to go down with a sinking ship. A therapist is a competent objective outsider why does he bring up the things! Still lives in his car, he chose me and is attracted me... Really cared like she said they broke up which I wasnt wanted that. For an can you love someone again after hating them outsider my husband turned to drinking and abused me physically, verbally and! Of her behavior or your own know if the love could come back one more thing: you not. 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