So I kinda found the original script for the DC run of Beetlejuice. BEETLEJUICE: There you go, kid. You know what? BEETLEJUICE: OH! You see, the living ignore the dead. (LYDIA stabs him.) frowns at the MUSIC. But together, well make him see! Is that why youre wearing those sheets? COMPANY: GOD, I HOPE YOU'RE READY FOR A SHOW ABOUT DEATH! its just like Wah, Wah, Wah Wah Wah Wah. All these feelings. "YES I DO! BEETLEJUICE: PRETTY MUCH, ANY GHOST'LL DO, SURE. Welcome, welcome, welcome! Gain full access to show guides, character breakdowns, auditions, monologues and more! I accept you. What else do you have to do, Mami? Shes a demon, and she doesnt get me. Complimentary and Deeply Discounted Shows. (draws door.) ME SAY DAY, ME SAY DAY, ME SAY DAY, ME SAY DAY, ME SAY DAY-O! Hes my white whale. WE'RE MORE THAN DETRITUS WE'RE FINALLY ALIVE! But when angst . LYDIA: What's goin' on, Delia? LYDIA: I dont wanna forget about her. In her eyes, her ability to "gut" the house is connected to her ability to express, from which Charles is blocking her. We only provide suggested audition monologues or songs for an individual character if our system finds content that matches a character's traits. It's like my dad's Ophelia. Never change! CHARLES: My god, woman. MAXIE DEAN: I was never gonna invest in your stupid "gated community." It's our house now, kid! LYDIA: You guys want your house back, right? DELIA: Lydia, look, I know that youre upset, but maybe this is meant to be. YOUVE JUST BEEN WAITING FOR THE PERFECT TEACHER. It was all rundown and we didnt know if we were going to get through it. Smash. Im sorry everybody. TELL MY STORYY! (a beat.) The Netherworld. C'MON, DROP YOUR PANTIES I'M TRYING TO FILL YA, WITH WISDOM AND SKILL AND THE INSTINCT TO KILL. CHARLES: Where is the shrimp? Theyre queens! I dont wanna die! I am also dead. Beetlejuice is a musical with music and lyrics by Eddie Perfect and book by Scott Brown and Anthony King. There are people downstairs. 5. LYDIA: But Dad, theres no one in it. Having lost her. CHARLES: Maxie! All of us! So! And yet, I worry. BEETLEJUICE: Uh, wait what? Fool your friends! One of the reasons Beetlejuice's Lydia is an icon is her style. If requested, here are a few audition monologues for Beetlejuice: "MacKenzie #1" in Audition Arsenal for Men in Their 20s . DELIA: Black reminds me of a funeral! The Preacher, Beetlejuice, and Lydia. Its gonna be so good for all of us. BEETLEJUICE: I wanted to help you guys, its literally all I wanted, but the two of you are helpless. Thats the rule. LYDIA: A SOUND THAT MEANS NO MORE CONDESCENDING ADULTS HANGING AROUND, BEETLEJUICE/LYDIA: EACH WAIL AND EACH MOAN. Oh father dear! Once Im dead, my dad will be sorry! Beetlejuice:: *stops her* hey i get it you and me were not that different. BEETLEJUICE: Whered I lose you? And nothing else exists. JUNO: Oh, look at you! So, on the count of three just yell out the scariest thing you can think of! LYDIA: I dont want your help. No one likes it, throw it out.. Let me point you to the right page. It says, Im warm, Im friendly, and I think about death only a normal amount! What if Lydias in my head right now? LYDIA: I dont know. I am positive I quoted my guru Otho who said Sadness is like kale salad. LYDIA: Whats wrong sugarlumps? That was a disaster. If I get Maxie Dean in my corner, the investments will pour in. this hilarious musical tells the story of lydia deetz, a strange and unusual teenager whose whole life changes when she meets a recently deceased couple and a demon with a thing . YEAH! That never happens. OTHO: So glad that you asked. We're gonna be rich! LYDIA: The ghosts! Goes to the door. Fuck Brigadoon. BEETLEJUICE: Thats where tote bags come from. BEETLEJUICE: Well then you have to learn how to scare them! THEY'RE SWEET, BUT I'M A DEMON STRAIGHT FROM HELL, (LYDIA pushes BEETLEJUICE off of the roof.). ADAM: Wed love it! Theyre chasing me! BARBARA: Yeah! But I swear to you, we will. BARBARA: You were right. LYDIA: Youre scared of everything! And he's to blame. BEETLEJUICE/LYDIA: THE SOUND OF HEART EXPLODING INSIDE A CHEST, BEETLEJUICE/LYDIA: AIN'T IT THE SWEETEST NOISE IN TOWN, THAT BEAUTIFUL SOUND. Except her. JUNO: Anyone whose ever died is in there. **Beetlejuice: The Musical has ended its Broadway run, but is currently touring nationally. CHARLES: Youre right. Every bit of it. Barbara! Whos there? CHARLES: That demon with the stupid hair, hell be waiting for us. LYDIA: I cant open it. THE MAITLANDS: (ghostly.) AND THE UNIVERSE WILL BE LIKE "I KNOW! I realized that I dont want to go through life alone. ADAM: Oh! With an irreverent book, an astonishing set, and a score that . Scott Brown BEETLEJUICE: Please dont make me beg. She needs somebody to help her get past all this. Well its a lot bigger on the inside! You know what would make all this even more awesome? All ganging up against the mean lady from hell! Im ready for some people to die. BEETLEJUICE: Hi! BEETLEJUICE: I am not Wiccan, and that is nothing like this. This is exciting! OH! Beetlejuice is ruder, raunchier and frankly, more repellent than ever in this original musical based on Tim Burton's wonderfully demented film. Call 9-1-1! However, there was no reasoning with the spirit, but Adam and Barbara had a slight advantage in the fact that they weren't stuck in Adam's miniature town. But she was talking about us. Oh you dont have a handbook? BEETLEJUICE: Its my middle name. Home Monologues from Musicals. MISS ARGENTINA: Oh, but you have to go back now. So, goodbye. DELIA: Why say doubt, when you can stop at do. (THE MAITLANDS nod.) So, Im selling our house. LYDIA: Then Ill find a way to do it myself. I had it open for a second but the Maitlands slammed it shut. If this house is haunted, then that means mom might still be back at our old house! OKAY! BARBARA: We are not aluminum siding people! Youre under so much stress, you must relax! BEETLEJUICE: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! BEETLEJUICE: Exorcism. Use their user talk pages. LYDIA: Adam, Barbara? BEETLEJUICE: Adam (dramatic pause.) (DELIA and CHARLES make out on the table.). What an effervescent young lady you are. Im a part of this too! Maybe Ive been all wrong about you. I'm so glad you changed your mind. As your guru Otho always said, this is taking too long! FORESHADOWING. IM TIRED OF TRYIN TO IRON OUT MY CREASES, HE WANTS ME TO SMILE AND CLAP LIKE A PERFORMING SEAL, YOU WONT BELIEVE THE MESS THAT WEVE BECOME, ARE YOU RECEIVING? ANY GHOST CAN DO THAT IN LESS THAN ONE LESSON. JUNO: Oh, Lawrence, that was beautiful. LYDIA: Yeah. LYDIA: We made a good team! The musical held its final performance on March 11, 2020, after Broadway and New York City's biggest . Upgrade to PRO Sign Up for PRO to view suggested audition pieces! LYDIA: I want you to stay. ), ON THE WHOLE BEING DEAD THING (AH AH AH AH). BEETLEJUICE: No, she did! BEETLEJUICE: Fine! Lets find out! BARBARA: Fool your friends, fun at parties I DID IT! LYDIA YOU GIVE ME THAT! DELIA: But what if its Lydia? ADAM: The electoral college! Guy talk howd you do it? I dont remember making a fire. CHARLES: You made it big. Ongoing. LYDIA: YeahItd be terrible if we all let each other down, DELIA: (Rings Triangle.) NEVER MIND, HE'LL BE YOUR G-U-I-D-E TO THE OTHER SIDE, I'M THE B-TO-THE-DOUBLE-E-T-L-E TO THE J-U-I-C-E, BEETLEJUICE: I understand it's a lot to process, but, THE GOOD NEWS IS YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE DIED IN YOUR OWN HOUSE, THAT MEANS THE TWO OF YOU SHOULD STICK AROUND, A LITTLE ON THE POTTERY BARN AND DRY WHITE WINE SIDE, AS FOR ME, I'VE BEEN SCARING FOR MILLENNIA, I'M THE BIO-EXORCIST GIVING HOUSES ENEMAS, BEETLEJUICE AND ENSEMBLE: PUSH OUT ALL THE BREATHERS, BEETLEJUICE: AND I DO IT FOR THE LOVE OF IT, 'CAUSE THIS GUY HAPPENED TO BE PASSING BY, TO GIVE YOU CONTROL OF YOUR SOUL FOR THE WHOLE "BEING DEAD" THING (AH AH AH AH AH AH AH! And I think Ill take a chance on life! Im so scared Im going to forget her. And also, I dont model anymore. Mom was the ghost of Edgar Allan Poe! I cancelled the exorcist, and Ive hired someone better. BEETLEJUICE: Yeah, Dad! CHARLES: Delia, you erotic astronaut! This is all very believable. Well actually it was just this really hot apartment in Queens, where the doors locked from the outside. ** The ghost-with-the-most is coming to life on stage in this original musical based on Tim Burton's wonderfully demented film of the same . Cmon. Ive come to pry my beloved daughter from your cold dead hands. Betelgeuse , Beetlejuice. Hes a monster. BARBARA: Handbook For The Recently Deceased? BEETLEJUICE: Oh, I don't live here, I'm dead! And they eat ghosts. All monologues are property and copyright of their owners. LYDIA: Classic Bait and Switch, Oldest trick in the book! DELIA: SUCKS-YES! The gross-out ghost from the supernatural Tim Burton comedy 'Beetlejuice' sings and dances in this splashy Broadway musical starring Alex Brightman as the demonic degenerate and Sophia Beetlejuice : I'm Lydia Deetz and I'm of sound mind. CHARLES: -Not good for Lydia. ", AND SHE'LL BE LIKE "OH, NOTHIN' JUST RUNNING THE WORLD.". Where are you going? ADAM: I dont mean her, I mean her family. ADAM: I didnt think it was that weak! The musical may still be called Beetlejuice; but, this time around, Lydia's the star. I thought she was terrifying, but nobody knew who she was. Beetlejuice the Musical Script by Jesse. Im going to find mom! I just can't deal with Delia. This. ADAM: Again, we do not want to kill anyone! Normally, I perform exorcisms por bono, but you made me come to Connecticut. If we want our house back, we have to fight for it! Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!" IT'S SHOWTIME! LYDIA: I have been alone since my mom died! DELIA: Dont you worry Charles, if we make it look fabulous, no one will ever know its actually crushingly insecure and older than it says it is. What does that mean? (snaps photo.) But hes my monster. BARBARA: So, now what? This book is dangerous! Move forward. And he gave me this. (they scream.) MAXIE DEAN: Im rich. BEETLEJUICES: ALL WE WANNA DO IS HEAR THAT SOUND. DELIA: Its like my guru Otho always says, If you dont take a chance, you dont have a chance, because you didnt take it!. Barbara, its like one of our classes! ADAM: Well, hey I do not see any cops around here! BARBARA: You seem like a normal girl to me. TELL MY STORYYYYYY! BEETLEJUICE: WOO! You'll know that I've abandoned hope. Oh God, how I missed that sound. Otho : [while Lydia shows them the attic] Fabulous. Well be right back. You brought him to life, just so you could kill him? Eh, it was worth a shot. Barbara, put her there now put her here, OWWWWW! And here we are sneaking around like two teenagers at a church picnic. GIRL SCOUT: THIS IS IT THE DAY I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR, WISHING, HOPING, WORKING, AND PRAYING FOR, THE DAY MY PARENTS HAVE BEEN DELAYING FOR YEARS, IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT THAT THEY'RE OVERPROTECTIVE, I WAS BORN WITH ARRHYTHMIA MY HEART IS DEFECTIVE, ONLY TAKES ONE SHOCK AND I COULD BE DEAD FROM THE FEAR, THE GIRL SCOUTS HELPED MY HEART GROW STRONG, THEY'D HAVE MY BACK IF ANYTHING WENT WRONG WITH ME, DISTRACT ME FROM THE FACT THAT MY HEART COULD STOP. Give me just one more BEETLEJUICE: It's showtime! DELIA: AH! Now after you scare them, while theyre still quaking in terror, you make them say this! It couldve been bad! Its not a real marriage. And then, spring the trap. I mean, no I have an idea, how about instead of impaling yourself on that birdbath, you uh, I dont know, say my name three times. Adam, youre boring. CHARLES: I already did change. It will play its final show at the Marquis Theater on Jan. 8, 2023. We couldve been such a great team. Were going to live here! DELIA: Otho, I noticed that the Soulbox is both glowing and making a noise. LYDIA: Dad! Powerless. Before Juno sees you. ENSEMBLE: Daylight come and we wan' go PASTOR: (spoken) In times like these, we have no words We have only each other Today we come together to mourn the passing of Emily Deetz Devoted wife . And Lydia, I think Ill miss you most of all. DELIA: Lydia, you cannot just sneak up on people and take their essence. Its like a nursing home for sad cats. Tagged: Whorehouse, Anxious. ), ADAM: Somebody do something! (a beat.) You asked me, I'm answering. Everything was the way it used to be. Maybe the most haunting thing about "Beetlejuice," the new musical version of the 1988 Tim Burton movie that is having its world premiere at the National Theatre, is the creepy feeling of . I don't know what just happened. Let me ask you a question. Im crying because Im so happy. Got any references? youre getting really comfy with the whole being dead thing! New phone, who dis? To the dead. BEETLEJUICE: Oh, thank you very much. WHY DO YOU POLISH YOUR CRIB WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE A KID? And I fear for my safety around you. Because dead or alive, you dont got somebody who really gets you, then youre going to feel lonely and worthless and youll never reach your goal weight because you eat when youre sad this guy knows what Im talking about. Lets get you finished! Im sorry its kind of a mess. Im bringing my mom back! She scratches that out. ; Establishing Character Moment: Adam and the spider. Ill do it. LYDIA: I dont know! Except, this one year we tried to do a classic horror theme. Bu Sorry, I dont mean to bore you guys, talking about my mom. Leave this house! who adapted the movie into the musical's script, . Video Examples. Lydia: i can't change anything. Based on Tim Burton's blockbuster film of the same name, this animated show features Beetlejuice, the wildest ghost this side of the "Neitherworld" and his mortal best friend Lydia Deetz, a young, perky goth girl attending a private school in a sleepy little Connecticut town. I am a very sexual being, and I do love me an orgy, but I say this with love, but you all dont strike me as the orgying kind. The production is scheduled to close on June 6 . One minute youre on top of the world, and the next minute, you feel like no one will ever love you This guy knows what Im talking about! LYDIA: Yeah, you said Stop acting so weird, I need this job., DELIA: No! SO WE MIGHT AS WELL WALK THROUGH SOME WALLS, 'CAUSE ADAM, WE'RE READY AS WE'LL EVER GET, I GOTTA GET RIGHT OUTSIDE MY COMFORT ZONE. (BEETLEJUICE possesses BARBARA and ADAM.). I am the once and forever, Miss Argentina! GOOD OLD FASHIONED WEDDING WITH SOME DANCING AND UN-DEADING. Put er there! Hi there. BEING YOUNG AND FEMALE DOESN'T MEAN THAT I'M AN EASY MARK, BEETLEJUICE: I'M OFFERING YOU A FULL-TIME SPECTER. BEETLEJUICE: Hey! Wow, are those birds? But, its worth it. LYDIA: Handbook For The Recently Deceased? I dont know what kind of game youre playing right now, but-. Check it out, Lydia! Im Barbara, this is Adam. And that is why you need me! But someone must have said Beetlejuice's name three times, because . Climb onto something! JUNO: My name is Juno! OTHO: Delia! I died with this sash. MAXINE: And hell do it! They become caught up in the supernatural elements and try to get Lydia to realize what she really needs the most. Everyone can see me now, but if I were alive, I could get out of the house, meet my kind of people. BEETLEJUICE: Pepperoni, mushrooms and snakes! Ah! BEETLEJUICE: I KNOW THAT BARBARA! BEETLEJUICE: Sorry, kid. Second row, right there! The full DC BJ script It's not about that. BEETLEJUICE: Well, it doesnt matter if you say it Adam, THEY HAVE TO BE ALIVE! Every dead person gets one, but since youre not actually dead, wanna see a sad puppet show? Back off! Its-. He is so mean to me! ), BARBARA: MAITLANDS 2.0! 3."My whole life is a dark room. CHARLES: Hey! The fact is, shes been having a hard time since LYDIA: Oh father! CHARLES: You think this is what I want? CHARLES: OkayOtho! CHARLES: Delia! CHARLES: I just have to get the chalk. Then you won't believe how far I'll go. I call it The Soulbox. LYDIA: Dad! And breathers worry so much about their stupid little lives, most of them never notice anything strange or unusual unless you make them. Do not be afraid. God, you know, your mother knew this was going to happen. It says: 'live people ignore the strange and unusual.'. BARBARA: And Lydia, she cant live like this! Its either me or the booze. And shed be like Well, then I choosethe booze. The point is, we just got rid of your dad, and we were having SO much fun together! We used to live here. OTHO: Thats the one. BEETLEJUICE: NO! In the video, Baldwin recalls the one thing that gave him hope about the film was the performance of his co-star, Michael Keaton, whom he describes as a "comedy Annie Oakley.". Maybe, we can help each other! Do you think you would mind leaving and never coming back? (a beat.) You old swaddler! Theyre in the room with us. After everything Ive done for her. BEETLEJUICE: No. Im not buying it, time to die! I have something to say. Yup, thats the one. OTHO: Let me say it (dramatically) DEATH! Yes, its been very creepy. Delia! I dont know get it, but Im a part of it! Its like a green card thing! Now rise, and be released from death! DELIA: Well, Im so happy for all of you. LYDIA: What are you talking about? So, I have an idea. I designed it to reflect wealth, sophistication, and above all-. Netherworld. Find some interesting quotes from when she felt alone here, they will make you think! Scouts honor, but that books got a lot of dangerous stuff in it. You said no Ink Spots on this vacation! Is this it? BARBARA: Adam, I dont think we survived that fall. Heres help, heres you. Hes here! DELIA: What are you talking about? No he wont, youll just be dead. All you gotta do is say my name. The doubts his . From comedy to drama and everything in between, we hope that you can find one that you love. Its a classic Victorian with the original crown molding. Well that was a soliloquy, so you're the one who's being rude. You saw that monster! Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." Seeking 2 Actor Team for Spring Life is a goddamn roller coaster, I dont know how you people do that. She would start drinking, and Id be like Mom stop drinking. Please, forgive me! Mr. Juice, I respect your resistance and your Moxy. Source: www.enca.com. Theyre chasing me! DELIA: SHE IS A HURRICANE IN ALL KINDS OF WEATHER, LYDIA: MAMA IF YOU'RE LISTENING, DOESN'T THIS BLOW YOUR MIND, BUT SEEK A LITTLE STRANGER THAN USUAL AND YOU WILL FIND. She held her lip between her teeth and went to find him at once. A few nights before she- before the end, Emily took my hand and said, I know you wanna fix it. But you can. You! Were still together. LYDIA: I have a mother! Shade Maternal, Fate Infernal. Shes definitely done some stuff, I can tell. I am utterly alone." -Lydia Deetz. Again. This was an excuse to make the boys interact and realize they all are wife simps. Theres a Toblerone, a bath bomb, a book youre never going to read. Make My Millennium!". Its about love! It's a gold mine! Started asking myself the big questions like why are our bodies still in the basement? BEETLEJUICE: ZWEEBY, BEEBY, BOO-BAH-BAH-DEE! Mom? Lets save Lydia and get the hell out of here. I didnt like strangers when I was alive. I wish I was dead! BEETLEJUICE: Thank you! . DELIA: Knock Knock! BEETLEJUICE: For a price. ADAM: Okay, that Wasn't as much fun as I thought it'd be ADAM: We are not kombucha people. BEETLEJUICE: Nothing, so your dad wants to suck me into this fancy box. Now lets hurry up and leave this god forsaken house. 'Otho Fenlock's Locked Door Ghosts' Probably committed suicide up there. LYDIA: It's like I told you, Dad: This house is haunted and the ghosts who live here want you out! Youll have to open the door to find out. Mr. CHARLES: HELLO! ADAM: I never even used this and then I felt bad that I never used it. I was in a sweat lodge. From an outfit standpoint, her clothes launched the mood boards of many goth girls. Yes, I love that man of mine. LYDIA: Hey Beetlejuice! LYDIA: There's one thing that can still stop him. Its okay at Christmas, but the rest of the year, you gotta put it away! Which reminds me, I got you a new dress for your fathers business dinner! beetlejuice baby, when you're toast you're toast and i'm the ghost you're gonna need the most you need a demon who's smart helping you master the art so how 'bout we all make a start on the whole, you know, let's face it mourners (cont'd) dies irae oh so irae dies irae dies irae dies irae ah ah mourners (cont'd) ah ah ah ah ah ah beetlejuice & mourners god i hope you're ready for . In Conclusion: Beetlejuice the Musical Is Fantastic. Please, dont spin the wheel! BEETLEJUICE: Oh, not so fast Mr. Soulbox. BEETLEJUICE: NO! I was like, Pick a lane, Bill!. I relate to it in so many ways, especially in Lydia's journey through grief. YOU CAN DIE TOGETHER! Those people just died, and you guys are clapping! ADAM: So, crazy story. Beebleboose! Yes book? And Ive got a plan! LYDIA: Recently Deceased. Woah, sorry, I didnt mean to yell its justYou make daddy so angry. I hope theres a dead therapist somewhere that can give him the help he needs. (BEETLEJUICE does the same to ADAM. Can everybody see me? Ugh, classic Maitlands. Mom! Beetlejuice! JUNO: You are the embarrassment. Where do books go when they die? Well, I dont know, book. See you in hell, AGH, Im gone Im gonna use the door. *attempts to jump again. Keep it coming gentleman! *Our system only provides suggested monologues or songs for select characters if we have matching monologues and song information in our database. CHARLES: Lydia, I have asked Delia to marry me. LYDIA: No, it was adorable. (a beat.) LYDIA: I can't keep living like this! DELIA: STACK BANANA TILL THE MORNING COME, BRRAH! DELIA: Doubt. Youre leaving me? ADAM: Oh yeah? BEETLEJUICE: Its a figure of speech Adam, okay? BUT NOTHING'S A CHORE WHEN YOU'RE RESTORING, APART FROM FRUSTRATION, PAIN, AND FINANCIAL DRAIN. Why would anyone wanna spend more time with their mother? ADAM: Hang on. Suggested Audition Pieces Auditioning for Lydia? Gonna go on a little vision quest, find my dad. One big dark room. CHARLES: No, you have failed. I'm totally enchanted. But hey. Adorable! JUNO: YOU! BEETLEJUICE: Hey! Enjoy live events at insider prices. CHARLES: No, shes still too fragile. So mean. Im so glad you could make it! Oh my god! See that tiny little house up there? Hide! Dad, n-no you cant do that. OTHO: Delia? Then I guess theres no rush! We used to make the haunted houses in the garage, but, in the summer so no one expected it. We did kill someone though. LYDIA: Well, Im not going with them! ADAM: Well that wasnt very nice. Love is love. JUST THINK OF THE UNIVERSE AS A FEMALE BEST FRIEND, AND YOU CAN BE LIKE "HEY, UNIVERSE, WHAT'S HAPPENIN', GIRL? BEETLEJUICE: Well make it snappy, I WANT CAKE! And such a bold departure from the original source material! Theres very good energy in here. happy! Uh, hey! . BARBARA Oh, honey. Now, we dont have a lot of time. Hibiscus_Flower. Im invisible. DELIA: I dont see race. Just put me in . Beetlejuice - Musical. Buddy, thanks for coming, but we are dealing with a haunted house here. ADAM: I gotta say hun, were lucky. AGHHHHHH! BARBARA: We're ghosts, damn it! CHARLES: Delia, there is nothing in your head. Get the shrimp! Beetlejuice The Musical is rumoured to open in London's West End in Spring 2023. Maxie Dean will be here for dinner in two days. LYDIA: The Netherworld? But we just have to hold onto each other and live through it. I thought she was talking about us. AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO PROCESS MY ANGER BECAUSE AS A SOCIETY WE DONT TEACH MEN HOW TO PROCESS THEIR ANGER, SO MAYBE ILL JUST TRYMURDER! GIRL SCOUT: Okay Well- Maybe I should come back another time when your parents are home? Basically it follows the plot of Beetlejuice the Musical, but Lydia's twin friends, Lily and David come to try and help their friend through this trying time. MAXIE DEAN: Lydia! Thats your answer for everything! Im his fifth wife! You dont like your dad, and I dont like my mom! And then she was like But I dont have any baby oil! and then I was like Well, Ive got some guacamole. And that is how I made nachos with Catherine Hepburn. LYDIA: Really? Well Im warning you because I got millions of em. You know what it feels like to get everything you thought you ever wanted, but still feel like no one will every love you? We are invisible. But first, I gotta toss the rule book. Beetle..(bj covers her mouth) BJ: She's a little nervous. DELIA: Lydia, I know that I am paid to care about you, but Id like us to be real friends! It's from the store! I love old books. BEETLEJUICE: Okay, plan B! Ages 12-17: Camp Broadway Ensemble @ Carnegie Hall. CHARLES: Lydia! (softly.) These ghosts are gonna make us a fortune! ADAM: Woah. ADAM: Kill?!??!? MISS ARGENTINA: DID YOU EVEN READ THE HANDBOOK? Id like to meet my fianc, Delia. Were still in our house, all our stuff is here! Ill just ask Adam and Barbara. LYDIA: I dont know how! NOW LETS SKIP THE TEARS AND START ON THE WHOLE YOU KNOW, AND IF I HEAR YOUR CELL PHONE RINGING, ILL KILL YOU MYSELF, BEETLEJUICE: YOURE, YOURE GONNA BE FINE, DIE, YOURE ALL GONNA DIE, YOURE ALL GONNA DIE, YEAH, I KNOW YOURE WOKE, BUT YOU CAN TAKE A JOKE HERE, AND EVERY SHOW I DO LIKE A TON OF COKE HERE, BEETLEJUICE: YOU'RE YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE, ENSEMBLE: DEATH IS TABOO, BUT IT'S HARDLY SOMETHING NEW, THERE'S NOTHING MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS CAN DO, BEETLEJUICE IF YOU DIE WHILE WATCHING THIS PERFORMANCE, THE SHOW WILL NOT STOP, AND ON A CERTAIN DATE, THE UNIVERSE KILLS YOU, SO, HOW BOUT WE ALL MAKE A START (DIES IRAE! I need a wife. LYDIA: I just need one of you to open it! (closes door.) This is such an interesting font! "PROLOGUE: INVISIBLE" ENSEMBLE: DAYLIGHT COME AND ME WAN' GO AH, AH, AH, AH, AH, AH, AH, AH PRIEST: In times like these, we have no words, we have only each other. LYDIA: We gotta get out of here! Ah! Why is Ohio so powerful?! You know, my guru Otho says Depression is like an ugly sweater. Scripture tells us, "Sorrow not. She was my whole world. LYDIA: You wouldnt listen dad. Now Charles, weve not yet discussed my fee. DELIA: Oh, shes so stubborn, I just need more time. And we should tell her that! Eddie Perfect, Lydia is a dark, yet exceedingly smart young woman. A toast to my father and his all important business! So this is what you get! BEETLEJUICE: Well then, go fuck yourself. And they have scorpions for teeth! So lets scare my dad! LYDIA: Im gonna use it to bring my mom back from the Netherworld. Im not sure youre equipped. BEETLEJUICE: We are gonna make such a great team! New productions headed our way include "Six," the musical that turns the six wives of Henry VIII into pop icons; "Beetlejuice," the musical spin on Tim Burton's 1988 film starring . Beetlejuice (v.o) (laughs to himself) you are a naughty man. LYDIA: Were not a family. Every success begins with sucks and ends with yes. Shes always like Get a job! or Why is your hair purple? or I shouldve left, like your father. The point is, Maybe we can help each other out, DON'T YOU WANT A PAL? LYDIA: I dont have a lot of friends so, if I have to live in this stupid house, at least I know Ill have you guys in the attic. But, if youre going to live like a ghost, you have to follow the rules. LYDIA: I cant change anything! OTHO: Then lets get to it! By the time you read this, I will be gone, having jumped off . Cmon! This iteration of Scott Brown and Anthony King's musical, with music and lyrics by Eddie Perfect, is otherwise nearly identical and keeps all the musical's hit songs intact, including the viral hit "Say My Name" and the Harry Belafonte classic "Day-O (The Banana Boat Song)." In the show, the titular Beetlejuice is a demon who's stuck haunting a . BEETLEJUICE: Babs, I get it, I totally get it, but the two of you are special. Who knows what hes done to Lydia! BEETLEJUICE: NO, WHAT FILLS YOU WITH RAGE? Our whole life is in that house. 2) Starbuck 3) John 8: 12: "I am the light of the world. You see Charles, as a life coach, I have but one enemy. AND ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS SAY MY NAME THREE TIMES. BEETLEJUICE: HIS NAME WAS KEVIN! When Lydia calls on Beetlejuice to scare away her . He needs therapy! Welcome! Oldest trick in the book! I got all the way to Howards store, and then Howard tells me their out of stock. MAXIE DEAN: Great idea, Im famished. You smell like the bathrooms at the Mandarin Oriental. Okay, new plan. She goes back into the room. LYDIA: NO! ADAM: (BARBARA screams.) : 1) Lollapalooza -- Created in 1991 as a farewell tour for Perry Farrell's band, it ran annually until 1997, and was revived in 2003. LYDIA: What? Go ahead and jump but that won't stop him. Im gonna find my mom! Monologues are presented on StageAgent for educational purposes only. About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features Press Copyright Contact us Creators . Are you all right? And Id like us to be a family. LYDIA: Im alone. The happiness is completely gone, and that just makes me really sad. You both get em. So kinda like this. Then they . You know? Are you alright? Lydia, right now you are redirecting anger and deflecting pain and other terms I learned in my training. CHARLES: I am very good at sex. AH AH AH! 24m. BEETLEJUICE: Quick! Im here to find my-, MISS ARGENTINA: Girl! Devoted wife to Charles, beloved mother to Lydia. (a beat.) Thats why youre here. God, youre a screw up! We are father, daughter, and Delia. Yeah Yeah Yeah. So much poise! LYDIA: Greetings, ghosts. They can never take it away! Lets chop off his head. Prologue: Invisible - Lydia 2. And life! MAXIE DEAN: CHUCK!!! 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